falling

It’s some how mid october! How on earth did that happen? Before you know it, the Christmas decorations will be up. Okay now I’m getting ahead of myself. I still haven’t even carved any pumpkins or baked an apple pie. Which by the way, is still on my to-do-list. I’m in awe of how quickly the season has changed. Both literally and figuratively. Yesterday, I pulled out Izabella’s hats only to realize she’d outgrown all of them. Talk about a reality check! So I’m on the mission to buy cute outer wear and boots for the little one. Yay for autumn shopping!

In true writer’s fashion, I will take a sip of coffee and roll up my sleeves. It’s Bittersweet Sunday, so it’s time to ponder on my past seven days.

Bitter

I experienced several anxiety attacks, followed by episodes of depression. I’m no stranger with these disorders, because I’ve struggled since my pre-teen years. Nonetheless, It still feels like the first time. every time. It’s debilitating and sucks the life out of me. Ever ran really fast? You know that out-of-breath feeling? Your heart going a million beats per second. Ever felt so nervous, you could puke? How about that weak, almost fainting symptom of a high fever? Now imagine a three hundred pound man sitting on your chest. That is (in a few short words), what anxiety feels like. This “flight versus fight” response is our primitive survival mechanism. Perfect when confronted by a grizzly bear or escaping a building on fire. Not when you’re safely at home feeding your young toddler. That adrenaline rush eventually results in a humongous crash landing (aka: depression). It’s a dark, lonely, hopeless place.

Two words: Anxiety and depression. Enough said.

Sweet

Sometimes when I’m in that valley, seeing my dear daughter’s milestones is a ray of light. For instance, this week she learned how to a blow a kiss. Oh my word! It was one of the sweetest things I’ve experienced as a mommy. Especially when it’s followed with even more affection from this child of mine. She rested her head ever so perfectly in that space between my chin and shoulder. Then my girl looks up at me with those beautiful hazel eyes and says “ma-ma” with a grin from ear to ear. I know parenthood can sometimes feel altered. Even though every other child in the universe learns and grows, we feel our baby’s first (fill in the blank) is unique and monumental. I acknowledge to being biased, but my Izzie is one receptive, emotionally intelligent baby. It’s almost like she was trying to cheer me up. Call me crazy, but she accomplished what she set out to do.

My darling blowing kisses all the time now. I could get used to this.

Tomorrow Today (it’s 1:18 am…yawn), is officially the dreaded day of the week. So I will conclude my bittersweet sunday post as usual. Here are my wishes for you. A little mantra written by yours truly.

May your monday be peaceful, and not mayhem. Filled with a little less deadlines and a bit more grace.

Cheers to a new week! Hopefully a sweet one.

R

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